The Dancers Brother Affair
by Denise Allen
Summary: Some silliness and fluff. Just for fun. What if Illya Kuryakin hid a secret from his fellow agents Some OOC Illya Kuryakin


The Dancer's Brother Affair.

A dashing young man dressed in Naval Dress whites. Entered UNCLE headquarters. The woman at the entry gave him a look of approval. He smiled back at her. April's brother, Dr David Dancer, often got that reaction from women. Rather like when Napoleon walked into the room. Other than both men were ridiculously handsome the similarities stopped there. Lt David Dancer was a happily married man with two children. His eye was not the roving type.

Napoleon and Mark knew he was coming Mr Waverly had offered to give him a personal tour of HQ himself. David requested that this visit be a surprise for April. Mr Waverly agreed quite pleased with the innocent 8ntrigue of the surprise. Mark, as her partner, and Napoleon as a conspirator were in on the surprise.

April returned to her office to find Napoleon and Mark talking in a conspiratorial manner. Whenever, Napoleon talked like that , it meant mischief was about. It had been a slow month thankfully. Illya was away in Europe acting as liaison for the Soviets in some joint talks with NATO and so was unaware of the entire plot. .

The conversation stopped dead when they noticed her

"OK, you two. What are you doing dears, and how much trouble are you going to cause? "

"Luv, would we..."

"In a New York minute you would. What are you two up to? "

Napoleon put on his thousand watt smile.

Napoleon oozed charm. "Sweet, whatever makes you think..."

"Don't you try yo charm me, Napoleon Solo.! April ordered. " I still owe you for when one of your admirers thought you stood her up for me. "

Mark just laughed. Watching Napoleon and April banter was a contact sport. They were both natural flirts when they chose. Neither of them took it seriously, and it was great fun to watch.

"Well, yes that was a rather unfortunate accident. I did apologize. .."Napoleon tried to prevaricate.

"Unfortunate accident. I had the black and blues for a month. I couldn't even protect myself, or I'd have broken my cover. "

"Well, yes..." Napoleon tried to weasel his way out of the conversation.

Mark laughed." You two save it for THRUSH. Luv, we have a theory we need your help proving. "

Napoleon cleared his throat. "Well ,it seems your partner believes my partner gets jealous whenever you flirt with other men."

She looked at them stunned. "Have you two lost your minds? Why would you think Illya would even notice. If it weren't for the fact I wear a skirt, I doubt he would notice I'm female. "

Both men laughed at her response.

At first both men thought exactly the same thing. It was Mark who saw it first. The slight frown on Illya's face when Napoleon and she flirted. The annoyed gaze when she flirted with co-workers. Mark interpreted it as his disapproval of frivolity. Illya never said anything disapproving her actions. That was very unusual.

Mark knew April understood Illya. Her translations were useful at times. Napoleon learned she could understand Illya when he'd been out of his mind with fever. Napoleon couldn't reach him. His Russian wasn't good enough. She spoke to him. She assured him they were friends. Illya allowed them to help him and stopped fighting them. It saved Illya's life. Napoleon viewed her in a whole new light. He started treating her as a colleague not just someone to chase.

Mark brought his suspicions to Napoleon just from curiosity. He thought Mark lost his mind. However, he was curious, so he watched. At first he didn't see it, but he knew Illya well. The slight disapproval when April and he flirted for fun. Illya normally ignored most of the women, but he followed her with his eyes when he thought no one was looking. The thing that cinched it for Napoleon was Illya's opinion on April's old boyfriend . The fact he had an opinion at all sealed it.

So, they were trying to figure a way to verify their suspicion. April's brothers visit was perfectly timed. They needed April's cooperation. April would never agree to test this with a co-worker, but her brother was safe.

Napoleon and Mark started describing their plan. They wanted her to intentionally flirt and tease men in front of Illya.

April stared at them dumbfounded. "You two are crazy. Why do you think I'd ever agree to such a thing? And who would be stupid enough to even volunteer?"

Napoleon looked down the hall. Mr Waverly's timing was perfect. His tour of UNCLE just finished.

. Illya walked slightly behind a US Navy lieutenant in white dress uniform. Napoleon had to admit this was the oddest juxtaposition he had seen in the halls of. UNCLE. A US Naval officer followed immediately by a Soviet Naval officer in uniform. Mark immortalized the scene with a small camera he was holding. He doubted he'd see this again.

Illya was exhausted from the flight and nonstop schedule. Mr Waverly deemed this so important that he give an oral report immediately There hadn't been time to change from his Soviet Naval uniform. Something that made him extremely uncomfortable in this setting. He had to admit the US Navy officer followed by himself in Soviet Naval uniform was something he'd never imagine at UNCLE. He was too tired to really appreciate the irony of the scene

"Ms Dancer, we have an important visitor, who requires your immediate attention. " Mr Waverly called.

"Sir ?" She questioned as she came out into the hall.

She saw her brother besides Mr Waverly went running and tackled him in a hug.

"Davie! " She exclaimed. " Why didn't you tell me you were coming? "

"I wanted to surprise you Muffin. " He smiled as he lifted her and whirled her around.

Both Mark and Napoleon wanted to laugh. Illya was staring daggers at the back of David Dancer. His exhaustion made his reaction very clear.

Napoleon grinned at David. "Muffin?"

He turned to April "Can l call you Muffy ?" Napoleon teased her.

April groaned at the nickname.

Illya stared at his partner his displeasure clear on his face. Napoleon struggled to keep the grin off his face. Definitely no doubt. He wondered why he hadn't noticed earlier. His partner was an expert at masking his feelings. He knew Illya trusted him implicitly. Still, he kept his own personal secrets.

"Mate, I wouldn't if I were you. " Mark warned.

David seconded Mark's opinion. "She has very good aim and no guilt about playing dirty Mr Solo. "

"Napoleon. " He offered his hand.

David nodded in acknowledgment, and offered his hand. "David please. "

Mark stuck out his hand. "Good to see you again mate. "

They met when he and April flew back from a mission in Asia. Mr Waverly had given them three days in Hawaii with her brother and his family. Mark especially enjoyed the tour of the Naval base.

David continued. "Good to finally meet you, Napoleon. I hoped to meet your partner, Mr Kuryakin. April can't praise the two of you enough. "

"Davie the last thing Napoleon needs is more praise. I assure you his confidence in himself knows no limit. "

Napoleon was about to gesture towards Illya when Illya did it for him. "His partner is behind you. " Illya stated with annoyance.

Both David and April reeled around in surprise. April was about to smile, until she saw the look on Illya's face. She was surprised. Illya seemed almost angry.

David was slightly surprised by the curt reply, but offered his hand nevertheless. "Mr Kuryakin, a pleasure to meet you. April has told me so much about you. "

Illya stared at his hand so long, it was bordering on rude. Napoleon shot him a warning look.

Mr Waverly approached Illya as he watched the interaction. His voice made it clear, he was displeased with Illya's reaction. " Mr Kuryakin though it's a long flight, I will require your report as soon as you're settled. "

Illya shook himself, and offered his hand. "Forgive my rudeness Lt. It has been a very long flight." Illya's greeting was civil, just barely.

April was quite surprised. David Dancer decided to give Illya the benefit of the doubt. "I quite understand Lt. No offense taken. The pleasure is mine. I'll allow you to get to your duties. "

David decided using Illya's rank in the Soviet Navy was appropriate as he was still in uniform. He knew otherwise they discouraged such things because of the multinational nature of UNCLE.

Once Illya left Mark and Napoleon got to their plan. They detailed their suspicions to her brother. He watched as April turned red as the tale unwound. His sister's reaction was telling.

When David learned who she was working with at UNCLE, he called in a few favors. They all had exceptional histories, especially the Russian. He had been wary, yet curious about him. His story made his stomach curdle, but impressed him simultaneously. Illya Kuryakin should be dead. The odds he had beaten with both the Nazis and the Soviets were unbelievable. He didn't want to know what he didn't know. He'd make one hell of an ally. He certainly wouldn't want him for an enemy.

All indications showed him as completely loyal and dedicated. He made certain his sister knew what he did. He was surprised she had called in the same favors. It was easy to forget , she was their father's daughter.

He smiled at his sister with an impish smile exactly like hers. "Of course, I will be glad to assist you gentlemen. Muffin, this is obviously mission critical for the organization. Anything I can do to assist you. " He stated very formally.

Mark and Napoleon both thought this was all hysterically funny.

April was not amused.

Napoleon stifled an amused chuckle. " Well, Muffin... I really want the story for that later. " He looked at David Dancer who simply nodded. Napoleon continued. "We would like David to play an admirer. We won't tell Illya who you are David. In fact I think you should call her Muffin whenever you get the chance. "

April was about to protest, but her brother overruled her. He placed an easy arm on her shoulder. "I feel like I've known you my whole life. Muffin."

David smiled the impish grin commonly seen on April's face. Both Mark and Napoleon burst into laughter.

"You are so bad. Don't encourage them David. You have no idea..."

Napoleon interrupted, and he knew just how to get her. " Listen sweet. I think you should call him Davie. Gush, you know like when the girls in the office see me. "

"Napoleon Solo, you are dead when I get my hands on you. " She went to stomp on his shoe with her heel. Mark pulled her back. " Luv, play fair. You are far too good doing damage with those heels. "

David just laughed. "Napoleon I wasn't kidding when I said she has good aim. You're playing with fire. "

Napoleon put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you afraid we're right sweet? Maybe you can make googly eyes at your brother. " Napoleon goaded her

David knew his sister was never one to step away from a challenge. Mark placed a steadying hand on her.

"Mate, you're pushing it. " Mark warned.

David smiled into his hand. Her partner had a very good sense of his sister. Napoleon was brash as his sister described. He wasn't malicious just mischievous. She had mentioned his regard and devotion to Illya Kuryakin. It was the only reason he'd agree.

April voiced her concerns. "Napoleon, I don't want him humiliated. "

Napoleon softened his tone. "We won't sweet. I promise. You know I'd never humiliate him like that. "

April scowled but agreed. "OK, just to prove you nuts wrong. " She was about to leave. "If this gets out of hand, it stops immediately. I'm not kidding. "

"Lt? " Napoleon asked.

He nodded. "Only on the conditions she mentioned. I will not be responsible for humiliating someone. "

Napoleon agreed. "Fair enough. "

Illya Kuryakin was exhausted. If it weren't for the crucial nature of the meeting, he would have collapsed in his bed at home. He just returned from briefing Mr Waverly and heard laughter coming from April and Mark's office.

He didn't know the Naval officer, but he knew he was unhappy with this development. April never mentioned any recent romantic interests even in passing. If he wasn't so tired, he might have seen the nameplate on David Dancer's uniform. He was jealous, and was too tired to consider why. It was clear they knew each other very well. She allowed him to hug her, and hold her in public. No one even her partner dared hold her as this man did.

Napoleon walked into their office as Illya was changing into his normal suit and tie. "Tovarich, I thought you'd be home by now. You look like you're about to fall over. Why don't you head home? "

"I was just about to leave. Who was the Naval officer? "

Yup, his partner had it bad. "A very close friend of April's. From what David says, he feels like he's known her all his life. I think from her reaction, she feels the same. " Napoleon turned away, so Illya couldn't see his grin.

Illya stomped from the room. "I'll be in the commissary if you need me. "

April was down in the commissary with her brother. They were having an animated conversation over lunch.

"So, how are Cyndi and the girls? "

David Dancer's wife, Cyndi, was a bit of an anomaly. She was the only female doctor on the base, which made her popular especially for maternity cases. David was regaling her with one of the better stories His wife delivered twins. Though it was unusual her husband was there. He then proceeded to tell his wife, the nurses and Cyndi how his wife should give birth. They were ignoring him until he started disturbing them. Cyndi was about to order him from the room when he got a look at the baby's head and the blood. He fainted dead away on the floor. "

David Dancer smiled as April laughed. Several people looked at them. They were clearly enjoying each others company.. Her brother turned heads when he walked in a room. April always received her share of appreciative looks.

"It's always the toughest and loudest. " April laughed.

David nodded, and then moved closer. He could see Illya. He stared at them furious. He seemed about to fall over. He didn't want anyone to hear this.

"Muffin, that is one exhausted and mad Russian. " April turned and looked at Illya. He noticed her regard, and a Russian epithet came flying from him. Both David and April raised their brows. Illya grabbed his tray, banged it down, and returned it.

"Is he usually this bad? He doesn't look well."

April shook her head. " He definitely is curt and judgmental at times. Just not this obvious, though usually in Russian. I think he needs sleep now."

David laughed out loud which got a stare from Illya. "Muffin, I think we should end this. I'll let you handle things."

April agreed. "Thanks. " She answered sarcastically.

He really needs to sleep now. "

She nodded. "He's been bouncing all over Europe for the past week. NATO conference, Moscow, London, Berlin and back to Moscow before coming home. I doubt it helps his temper. I'll handle it. Though I'm not quite sure what it is. " She sighed.

"If it helps any, I can speak to medical staff. I'll introduce myself properly. If I knew he was this tired, I wouldn't have agreed. I think your partners may be right Muffin. Be careful. I think he's a good man, but he serves two masters. One of whom is very unforgiving. "

April nodded. She knew her brother was right. She still cared. She couldn't help it. Some things couldn't be.

Her brother could read her thoughts. It wasn't that hard.."You know who to call, if you or more importantly he needs anything. I imagine Mr Waverly knows who you are. "

April nodded. "He's not a fool. "

April hugged her brother good bye. Then she planned to settle things with Illya. She suspected he'd be at home or asleep in his office by now.

She was wrong. Illya came around the corner and stopped dead when he saw them hugging. His control was completely gone. A string of epithets flew from his mouth at them in Russian. Even April used to his temper was about to say something. Her brother did it for her.

"Mr Kuryakin do you often speak that way around others?" He demanded. " We understand you. "

"You owe my sister an apology now. " It was a command. David was not asking. April raised her brows. Her brother seldom used command tone. She knew it would immediately grab Illya 's attention.

Illya knew the tone of command well. They were of equal rank. Illya swiveled around on his heel ready to respond. The US Navy had no authority over him. He intended to make that perfectly clear to April's brother. He opened his mouth just as his mind registered David's comment. He glanced quickly at the name plate on the uniform.

Idiot and a few other choice words came to him. It explained everything. If he'd bothered to think, he could have avoided the whole thing. Instead he'd proven to the her he was an ass. At least that was what he felt like. He was mostly angry with himself. He shook his head trying to clear his mind. He felt like his head was wrapped in wool.

David Dancer saw his reaction. Illya Kuryakin was running on fumes. He offered his hand. "Mr Kuryakin I think we should start again. I'm David Dancer, April's brother. "

He sighed and accepted his hand. "Both of you, please forgive my atrocious behavior. There is no excuse. It is a pleasure to place a face to the man both, your sister and Mark praise. Given your generosity towards me, everything they say is true. "

He looked from her brother and more importantly to her. He also had a partner to kill later for clearly teasing him. He would revenge himself later. He saw forgiveness from both, which was more than he deserved. He was so tired he could barely stand.

"Thank you both. I'm grateful for your kindness. "

"No, problem Mr Kuryakin. I hope to see you again before I leave. Muffin, meetings and duty calls. " He leaned down, picked her up and kissed her cheek.

"Put me down you oaf. " Her laughter betrayed her words.

Illya laughed softly. With the tip of his hat David Dancer turned to leave. Illya meant to say something to her. Then Illya truly ran out of fuel.

"Illya!" She looked over and ran to catch him. He was swaying literally sleeping on his feet.

" Come on…" She was trying to hold him up.

He startled awake. "I am sorry. I..."

She grabbed him. "Davie!"

David came running around the corner after hearing his sister yell..

April was trying to hold Illya upright. He was swaying threatening to fall over.

"Luv?" Mark answered as he walked into the hall..

He ran and helped April steady Illya.

" The couch in his office. " April commanded.

"Come on mate." They dragged Illya into his office and laid him on the couch.

"What happened? " Her brother was immediately checking him.

"He was talking to me. He literally fell asleep on his feet and started falling over. "

"Go get the doctor on duty. Tell him we just think it's a case of exhaustion. Mark, bring my case here."

David brought out his stethoscope,."Mark could you get his shirt open for me?"

Mark did what David asked. Illya revived slightly and tried fighting Mark. "No, they are my clothes..." Illya kept slurring

April came back with the doctor to find Illya protesting. He was slurring English and Russian together in some unintelligible mush protesting to Mark. He would not allow them to steal his clothes.

"Damn, mate you need to sleep. " Mark pushed Illya on the couch as Illya kept staggering to his feet. "Anyone else would be unconscious by now. "

Illya was protesting something to Mark. Mark was trying to keep him still on the couch. Illya kept trying to stand. He was telling Mark someone stole his clothes. Where were his clothes?

"Mr Kuryakin you need to lay down. " David directed in Russian . The UNCLE doctor quickly confirmed what David thought. He noted Illya's schedule for the past two weeks.

"He was supposed to have at least a two day layover with that many hours of travel. I'll verify with Mr Waverly. He knows better than to push agents this hard. This is what happens. When Kuryakin collapses, then you know someone really screwed up. Thank you doctor. "

"No, trouble. Do you want to bring him to the medical ward? " David asked.

"No, no medical. No medical. " Illya was trying to climb to his feet again.

"Mr Kuryakin..." The UNCLE doctor started.

David Dancer motioned the other doctor away. "Mr Kuryakin, I need you to lay down. " He repeated in Russian. " You need to sleep now. "

"No medical. " Illya protested.

April walked back into the office with pillows and blankets.

"No medical. Tell them no medical. " Illya was almost delusional.

David was about to speak when his sister motioned for quiet.

"Illya lay down. No medical ward if you go to sleep now. " She commanded quietly in Russian. "You are too tired to think. No one took your clothes. Mark has them. You almost collapsed. Remember? "

"You are sure? " Illya's eyes were closing.

She nodded "Yes, I'm sure." She laid a pillow behind his head and covered him with a blanket.

Illya was asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

"Unbelievable. How does he do that? I'd have been down days ago." Mark shook out his hands and shoulders. The little Russian was very strong.

April laughed. " Who knows it's Illya." She shrugged. "Also he wants to know why you stole his clothes. He's a bit confused."

David laughed. " I see you weren't kidding. Mark make sure to give him his clothes. I don't want him thinking we stole them."

David took his leave.

Napoleon walked toward his office when he heard April and Mark laughing. They were talking about stealing Illya's clothes. Mark and April laughed at Napoleon's confused look.

April decided to explain things to Napoleon.

"Your partner told Mark not to steal his clothes. This was after he fell asleep standing up in the hall. " April managed to keep a straight face. Mark did not leaning against the wall laughing.

"Whaaa?" Napoleon was totally mystified.

"Your partner collapsed on the couch in your office. " April pointed into his office.

Napoleon went into his office. His partner was sprawled on the couch sound asleep. He raised an amused eye brow and went to shake him. Both April and Mark grabbed his arm.

Mark shook his head. "He's knackered. Leave him."

Napoleon started to protest. "He should go home..."

April interrupted. "He'd never make it. Mark, Davie and I caught him when he collapsed. He almost fell over. "

Napoleon gave her a shocked stare.

Mark immediately agreed. "Mate, he fell asleep standing up. I've never seen him so confused."

Illya never collapsed. "Tovarich. " He called. There was no response.

"Napoleon he yelled at Mark for stealing his clothes, so Davie could examine him."

Napoleon snorted. "OK, I'm convinced, Muffy. Now, we know our experiment was a success. We'll wait until he's awake before we plan your first date. " He teased. He gazed over Illya hadn't moved a muscle.

Mark was holding April. "Mate, if I were you'd I'd apologize. "

Napoleon turned, saw her, and chuckled. "Sweet, you know I mean it in only the best way possible. "

He and Mark smirked as she shook Mark off. She walked to Napoleon. "No, bad feelings darling. "

Napoleon smiled. "Never could resist me. " Mark chuckled.

April smiled a knowing grin. "I could never resist the two of you. You know that. He doesn't have any problems with that. " She grinned evilly pointing at Illya. "He knows what you two did. He said something about reminding him he had a partner to kill when he woke up. "

She smiled and started to leave the office "Hey, that's not fair. " They both complained

"Tell him that when he wakes up. If you're lucky he'll have forgotten. I'll remind him if needed. See you later boys. "

In his dreams he thought he heard April's voice . Yes, he had to avenge his honor for something. but he couldn't remember why. Instead he floated back into his dreams on April's voice. It was much more pleasant, and he was so sleepy. No one saw the small smile on his face as they turned off the lights, and left Illya to sleep.


End file.
